Rainy Thursday I ADORE YOU

So I have clearly been MIA- I wrote a really sad post yesterday and just kept adding to it and saving it never fully committing to hitting the publish button- and I'm glad I didn't. Maybe one day, maybe even next week I would just put it out there so you all know how I was feeling but for now I'm glad I didn't do it.

 Life is hilarious sometimes and at 23 I think I'm starting to realize that. I am a religious person (yes! shock a homosexual who believes in Jesus how could that be?) LOL I don't fully believe everything the Catholic church preaches but I can't imagine my life without believing that something greater than us has a plan.

Not trying to preach but yesterday I might have had a baby Oprah "aha" moment! This break up is still pretty fresh- like a week fresh (yes I'm going through a breakup with a person that I still live with/love/and respect as a person and is an amazing addition to my life) and long story short we broke up because we need time to figure things out on our own and just needed to be 23 year olds- again maybe one day I will write a whole post about this but right now that is all I want to share.

Back to my aha moment- I felt so overwhelmed yesterday I described it as "being sad with a a hint of suffocation" yes- I felt like I couldn't breathe and I wanted to just  run for hours if I could while it rained would have been amazing. So after some thought I cancelled my dinner plans and decided I needed a day alone- since this all has happened I have had amazing friends reach out to me/make plans/ even Ashley just us sitting and talking about what the game plan is and most importantly letting things off our chest and resassuring that we love each other no matter what. And yes everyone has amazing intentions but I just needed to be alone- I needed to process my own feelings. I'm tired of talking about it- it sucks- lets be honest but I can't just let this sadness consume me .. especially when I"m feeling great about my progress. I know there will be sad days but I also know that I can get through this. Sorry rambling but I was able to do a short run- since I"m still sick ( I know it blows) cook myself dinner/organize some clothes and I felt great- towards the end of the night I got really upset started to cry and I got an email

I signed up for this 21 day Meditation challenge with Oprah awhile back and didn't even mentioned it to Ashley was just like whatever this will be good for my anxiety issues and didn't remember at all until I got that email mid tears.. And I just started laughing like God you're funny! Just when I'm literally mentally bullying myself about this God/Oprah lets me know things will get better. 

I know this post is already long but I need to give credit to the bloggers out there who have no idea that reading their words are really helping. Most of my friends know that I'm obsessed with certain bloggers/twitter people like Luvvie Miss Jia Crissle and Kid Fury all which I found on Twitter. Luvie is the funniest person ever and I just *wall slide* as she says when I read her posts. But yesterday I decided to go through some of her post- she has been blogging for over 6 years now so there is a lot I haven't read but one post caught my attention- when she wrote about her grandmother passing away and she said she would continue to blog because she wanted to laugh and make other people laugh during a time when all she wanted to do is cry. And it hit home so much! No I"m not saying this can be compared to losing a loved one but it hurts and I realized I'm tired of crying all I want to do is laugh. And then look at God/universe sending me signs all day- today's affirmation on my wellness app (yes you can make fun of me but it is needed for my anxiety) 

I love laughing and I love making people laugh.. when me and Rudy get at it and start one of our rants it is my favorite thing we become Maya Rudolph and Kristin Wiig in my mind. So with that being said I just want to laugh if I"m talking/seeing you lets just have a good time! Let's just laugh.


Also huge thank you to Beth who wrote a post about  just letting things out with the stress of planning a wedding and the toll it was taking on her and finished her post with this 

Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

Happy Rainy Thursday!! and I swear weight updates will come up on Monday!