TGIT (Thank God Its Tuesday?)

 Finally the weekend is over.. and I'm kind of glad !! This weekend was not a complete train wreck however I did hit bumpy bumpy roads but did have an AHA moment (my Oprah reference).

I left work Friday anxious (see previous post) because I knew we were going over to a friend's house and there was going to be booze and junk food -BAD! plus a brunch on Saturday - extra bad!! However I started off okay, I split some dinner with Ashley and we left to meet up with everyone. At the actual bonfire I had a small helping of buffalo dip & chips and later that night when everyone was feeling their drinks they started to make pizza bagels & pretzels and I was able to resist only eating 1 mini pizza bagel and a bite of a pretzel and called it a night. When we got to brunch the next morning I quickly realized that this place had NOTHING healthy- I'm telling you everything on the menu sounded delicious and everything I shouldn't be eating! But I did not panic and just went with it - rationalizing that it was early in the day and since we had to pack & move I surely would burn the calories. I ended Saturday without burning brunch calories but eating a small helping gnocchi with a salad.

Now here comes Sunday & Monday- it included Chinese food (chicken& broccoli with white rice- YES ate the whole combo plate ) Ritas; Monday- 1/2 Club Turkey Sandwich (mayo, bacon & white bread included) and  coffee oreo milkshake. So basically I ate "bad" food all weekend probably the only thing missing was fries!
 

 I'm  trying to lose weight but I'm also trying to be nicer to myself. I went to counseling last year to deal with my weight and other stuff that came up. And in those meetings my counselor would always say the way I "encourage" myself is very mean and hurtful and usually doesn't get me anywhere. So that is also an area i'm trying to improve in.

With that being said I am cutting myself some slack for this weekend but also reflecting on why I didn't say no to at least the milkshake or any other of the social meals. I think all my life I have been the "funny fat girl or knowing Rudy she would say "you aint funny"so just the fat friend and even though my close friends wouldn't describe me as that- that is how I see it.

I also feel very self conscious about saying hey guys I'm on a diet or hey guys I should not eat that because it is embarrassing to admit that I am not happy  where I am and I hate those people who shove healthy food down everyone's throat or everything about what they are eating is about their diet so its easier just to eat  x,y,z then speak up. But from the guilt I felt last night & all day today because I knew I had to write a post I think slowly I will just start internally saying no to certain food without making a fuss. As well as whispering it to people that I should not eat certain things because I know the people who are rooting for me don't want me to give into temptation.

So yes moderation is great and everyone will preach how "Gigi that was fine you can have a milkshake every once in awhile" but unfortunately I"m not there! I"m at the stage where I need discipline to say no because I easily snowball into an entire week of bad eating and rationalize with myself how I can start next Monday or the next one and then I gained another 10 lbs. I need the straight and narrow for at least a month so becomes good habits.

Pretty accurate  



Any who! Happy Tuesday! this post is a sigh a relief because now I can keep it moving