TGIT (Thank God Its Tuesday?)

 Finally the weekend is over.. and I'm kind of glad !! This weekend was not a complete train wreck however I did hit bumpy bumpy roads but did have an AHA moment (my Oprah reference).

I left work Friday anxious (see previous post) because I knew we were going over to a friend's house and there was going to be booze and junk food -BAD! plus a brunch on Saturday - extra bad!! However I started off okay, I split some dinner with Ashley and we left to meet up with everyone. At the actual bonfire I had a small helping of buffalo dip & chips and later that night when everyone was feeling their drinks they started to make pizza bagels & pretzels and I was able to resist only eating 1 mini pizza bagel and a bite of a pretzel and called it a night. When we got to brunch the next morning I quickly realized that this place had NOTHING healthy- I'm telling you everything on the menu sounded delicious and everything I shouldn't be eating! But I did not panic and just went with it - rationalizing that it was early in the day and since we had to pack & move I surely would burn the calories. I ended Saturday without burning brunch calories but eating a small helping gnocchi with a salad.

Now here comes Sunday & Monday- it included Chinese food (chicken& broccoli with white rice- YES ate the whole combo plate ) Ritas; Monday- 1/2 Club Turkey Sandwich (mayo, bacon & white bread included) and  coffee oreo milkshake. So basically I ate "bad" food all weekend probably the only thing missing was fries!
 

 I'm  trying to lose weight but I'm also trying to be nicer to myself. I went to counseling last year to deal with my weight and other stuff that came up. And in those meetings my counselor would always say the way I "encourage" myself is very mean and hurtful and usually doesn't get me anywhere. So that is also an area i'm trying to improve in.

With that being said I am cutting myself some slack for this weekend but also reflecting on why I didn't say no to at least the milkshake or any other of the social meals. I think all my life I have been the "funny fat girl or knowing Rudy she would say "you aint funny"so just the fat friend and even though my close friends wouldn't describe me as that- that is how I see it.

I also feel very self conscious about saying hey guys I'm on a diet or hey guys I should not eat that because it is embarrassing to admit that I am not happy  where I am and I hate those people who shove healthy food down everyone's throat or everything about what they are eating is about their diet so its easier just to eat  x,y,z then speak up. But from the guilt I felt last night & all day today because I knew I had to write a post I think slowly I will just start internally saying no to certain food without making a fuss. As well as whispering it to people that I should not eat certain things because I know the people who are rooting for me don't want me to give into temptation.

So yes moderation is great and everyone will preach how "Gigi that was fine you can have a milkshake every once in awhile" but unfortunately I"m not there! I"m at the stage where I need discipline to say no because I easily snowball into an entire week of bad eating and rationalize with myself how I can start next Monday or the next one and then I gained another 10 lbs. I need the straight and narrow for at least a month so becomes good habits.

Pretty accurate  



Any who! Happy Tuesday! this post is a sigh a relief because now I can keep it moving

Long Weekend Ahead

So this post is going to be short & to the point.. weekends are the WORST for me! I think food is that much more delicious between Friday and Sunday not to mention this Monday is a holiday. On any other weekend I would be so excited to order out tonight and go out to eat Saturday & sometimes Sunday to then recover on Monday, however this cycle has to end. Realistically I'm not going to stay home until all the weight is off- I have to learn how to eat out the healthy way.

It does give me some anxiety thinking about it because even this week trying to stay on the straight and narrow has been hard.. I have given into a piece a chocolate yesterday & a milkshake on Tuesday (it was strawberry so that is considered a fruit serving right? ha) and a breakfast wrap this morning. I did however have some success I did chose to have Subway (turkey no cheese very little lite mayo on wheat) for lunch & homemade very healthy salads the rest of the week as well as a healthy smoothie last night- so overall I have been semi okay with this weeks food decisions. I know the biggest thing for me is to get back on MyFitnessPal so I can really monitor what I'm eating and my calorie in take, however it is annoying to track EVERYTHING YOU EAT and put it on an app but I think this has to be done!

I will be going to brunch with some Lange Ladies tomorrow & we are hanging out tonight as well so this is my first test, making an 100% effort to say yes to healthier options!!! egg whites, veggies & all that good stuff (gif is too funny LOL)



Also yesterday I decided to tell my close friends (Lange Ladies) about the blog. The more people that know the less likely I will give up! & they reacted very positive and encouraging which made me feel AMAZING!!

Ending this Friday post with some anxiety but really pumped to kick some ass!! (aka not eat junk)

Day 1 (but really Day 3)

The purpose of this entire blog is to give me accountability during my weight loss journey. I don't have that many readers (actually only 2- hi Ashley & Teresa - my biggest cheerleaders) but my goal is to expand this blog so I do have other readers that will read my posts and get motivated, or cheer me on, or just want to see if i'm going to fail. I want to be honest from day 1 with what I eat, what activities I do and most importantly what excuses/what stops me from doing x,y,z (I hoping this will minimize as time goes on).

A little more in depth background on my weight obsession- I have always been the heavier one in my family and usually among my friends. My family is very much obsessed and vocal about what they consider a good weight for me. From the age of 12 I have been at diet doctors taking pills (I have tried them ALL) probably until the age of 19/20 when I was in college and couldn't do the pills any longer. I have lost a lot of weight (40lbs to be exact) then gain it back with time.

I go through waves with my weight, my main problem is I lose motivation/focus/drive/everything you need to get to the GOAL. I will tell myself  "this is it.. I"m sticking to it.. no junk food.. all healthy.. ALL DAY) I start things to motivate myself, downloading new apps, start a challenge (S/O to #Great48 & Miss Jia for all her motivation- will do a post on this another day ) however money gets tight or I get tired or don't lose anything in the time frame I gave myself (usually unrealistic goals) and just STOP then a couple weeks later when I have ballooned (that is what I see in the mirror usually another 2-5lbs added) I start freaking out and getting upset & self loathing & the cycle continues.

What is different now??? What makes this time THE TIME? Well I"m tired of being FAT and uncomfortable and self conscious; always asking everyone around me "is this okay? do I look fat? Don't lie?" or taking pictures and making them retake it because it is not the "right angle". I"m tired of going into stores and saying "no can't wear stripes, or anything that has a zipper or this stores 14-16 run small"

I'm making a promise to myself that I'm doing this for me, pound by pound the healthy way- no supplements.  I"m not going to lie and say its for my health because i'm 23 years old I WANT TO LOOK HOT  but health does comes second. I'm also not going to lie and say I will be a saint through this process.. but that is why posting will be so important because when I'm honest with myself (& the readers) I will be able to see what I need to improve on.

I'm hoping my posts won't be this long but check out my GOALS page to see what the game plan is and leave comments or ask questions!!